acceptance

one thing i have learned from this life is that the only way to heal and truly move on from any experience is to accept it.

my life has been far from perfect but i'm not going to sit here now and relive the things from my past that held me down for most of my life. i spent enough time allowing those experiences to consume me and restrict me until another worse experience came along to devour me. then i would live inside that nightmare until the next. the past never left it simply compounded into the current mess. my life grew away from me by exponential leaps and bounds.

i never took responsibility for things that happened to me because most of them, in the beginning, weren't my fault. i just wanted to hide away or pretend it didn't happen or put up a wall so i could say i was strong. what i didn't realize was that i also wasn't taking responsibility for my own life.

acceptance.

the weight of that word is immense to me now. learning the meaning of that word in my life has changed everything. it's simple. it's one word. one thought. one action. acceptance.

i can't tell you the date and time that it happened but i remember the moment. i remember the feeling and the emotion of that moment. i remember writing the word on a sheet of notebook paper. in one brief moment i received clarity. acceptance was the key to me finally letting go of all that has bound me to my past, unlocking the chains, and releasing myself back into my life. MY LIFE. it is MY life.

nothing can change my past. i am who i am today because of it. for that, i am grateful.

ah... gratitude. now that is the next step. and since it's 6:44 am and i haven't slept, it must also be the next blog.